OCTOBER 21, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Free Suits for Job Seekers. Impact: The generous act of providing free suits may have inadvertently led to a global fashion revolution. Who knew that a well-fitted blazer could spark a new trend in workplace attire, causing a spike in sales of ties and cufflinks? Next thing you know, the world is drowning in polyester and questionable fashion choices.. Fact: They say 'dress for the job you want', but apparently no one specified that the job should be 'dapper time traveler'..
• Headline: Impact of Body Cameras on Policing. Impact: This study could lead to a series of events where police departments start investing in better camera technology. However, the irony is that, much like your grandma's old VHS player, some things just seem stuck in the past and don't change much at all. Cue the endless debates over body cam effectiveness.. Fact: It's almost like cameras are just modern-day versions of the 'big brother' trope. Who would have thought we'd be living in a George Orwell novel?.
• Headline: Pentagon Probes Niger Ambush Discrepancies. Impact: This conflicting account might just be the catalyst for a new series of spy thrillers where everyone is chasing their own tail. Talk about a Hollywood script waiting to happen! Let's just hope it doesn't turn into a reality show - 'Survivor: Niger Edition'.. Fact: Pentagon investigations are like those 'choose your own adventure' books, but somehow, everyone always ends up in the same boring chapter..
• Headline: Astros, Their Backs to the Wall, Hold Off the Yankees and Force Game 7. Impact: The Astros' Game 7 victory could lead to a chain reaction of average fans thinking they can suddenly become sports analysts. Next thing you know, your uncle is telling you about the 'Astro Effect' over Thanksgiving dinner as if he has any credibility.. Fact: In the world of sports, nothing says 'we're under pressure' quite like a team that finally decides to show up when their backs are against the wall. It's like the last-minute cramming before finals!.
• Headline: The Finger-Pointing at the Finance Firm TIAA. Impact: This finger-pointing could lead to a massive shake-up in the financial industry, causing firms to rethink their entire customer service approach. Spoiler alert: it won't. They'll just hire a PR team to come up with a catchy slogan instead.. Fact: In finance, 'putting customers first' is often a euphemism for 'how can we make you pay more fees while pretending to care about your interests?'.