SEPTEMBER 16, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Harvard's Controversial Fellowship Decision. Impact: Harvard's brief dalliance with Chelsea Manning sent shockwaves through academia, igniting debates so heated that future generations found themselves debating 'Harvard's Greatest Scandals' alongside 'Who wore it better: Taylor Swift or Beyoncé?'. Fact: Did you know that inviting controversial figures to speak is Harvard's way of trying to stay relevant? It's like inviting your ex to your wedding just to spice things up..
• Headline: U.S. Income Trends and Middle Class Struggles. Impact: The uptick in U.S. incomes sparked a nationwide treasure hunt, where economists scoured historical archives looking for the mythical 'Golden Age of the Middle Class' that apparently vanished into thin air, leaving behind only a sad mixtape of economic downturns.. Fact: Did you know that economists estimate the middle class has been in decline since the invention of the avocado toast? Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Hillary Clinton and America Ferrera on Pain and Progress (and Hiking). Impact: Hillary Clinton and America Ferrera's candid discussion about pain and progress created an alternate timeline where political debates turned into group therapy sessions, and America Ferrera became the unofficial 'emotional support candidate' for all future elections.. Fact: Did you know that hiking is the new political strategy? Forget debates; just take your opponent on a nature walk and see who can out-zen the other!.