SEPTEMBER 10, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reviving Yurok Tribal Art Traditions. Impact: If the Yurok Indians hadn't revived their ancient practices, we might have been stuck with a world where everyone only dances to pop music at weddings—imagine the horror! Instead, we get a reminder of the importance of cultural heritage, which also inspires hipster cafes to serve overpriced herbal teas while playing flutes.. Fact: Did you know that reviving tribal traditions can also lead to an increase in trendy 'spiritual retreats' that charge you $500 to meditate next to a tree? Nature is expensive!.
• Headline: Bach Meets Dance: A Unique Collaboration. Impact: Imagine a world where cellists didn’t challenge themselves with dance. Bach’s music would have remained firmly planted in concert halls, while dance would be reduced to awkward shuffling at weddings—thankfully, the universe spared us from that fate.. Fact: Did you know that playing Bach while surrounded by dancers is basically the musical equivalent of trying to read a book in a rollercoaster? Good luck concentrating!.
• Headline: iPhone X Breaks $1,000 Price Barrier. Impact: The $1,000 iPhone X set a precedent that led to a ridiculous arms race in consumer tech, proving that paying more for a phone would somehow make it cooler. Now everyone thinks they need a side job just to keep up with the latest 'luxury' gadgets.. Fact: Did you know that the iPhone X's price could have bought you a decent used car? But hey, who needs transportation when you can just post selfies from your couch?.
• Headline: Thanks, Internet Outrage! Now Dapper Dan and Gucci Are Buds. Impact: This partnership between Dapper Dan and Gucci shows that outrage can lead to unexpected alliances. Who knew that a backlash could turn into a marketing strategy that leaves both parties richer? Just wait until they start selling outrage-themed merchandise.. Fact: Did you know that appropriating styles can become a high art form? Next, we’ll see a collaboration between haute couture and garage sale finds—truly the fashion revolution we didn’t know we wanted!.
• Headline: Where Trump’s Hands-Off Approach to Governing Does Not Apply. Impact: Trump’s hands-off approach in some areas has led to a surprising surge in social conservative policies, effectively reshaping the political landscape. Who would have guessed that the absence of leadership could lead to such a fascinating (and often chaotic) game of political chess?. Fact: Did you know that when civil servants leave due to new policies, they often take their coffee mugs with them? Truly, the most tragic loss of all is the loss of perfectly good office mugs..