SEPTEMBER 2, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Older Champions Dominate Tennis Today. Impact: As older players dominate the tennis courts, young athletes might just start investing in anti-aging creams instead of training. In 50 years, expect to see 90-year-old tennis legends battling it out while sipping on kale smoothies.. Fact: Venus Williams holds the record for the oldest woman to reach a Grand Slam final. So, clearly, age is just a number... or a very misleading marketing ploy..
• Headline: Struggles in Beaumont: A Fight for Survival. Impact: The struggle for food and shelter in Beaumont might just inspire a new reality show trend: 'Survivor: Road to Nowhere.' Who knew that disaster could lead to binge-worthy television?. Fact: Hurricane Harvey hit Texas hard in 2017, leaving many residents displaced. But hey, at least they got a new definition of 'road trip.'.
• Headline: U.S. Fails to Qualify Amidst Mexico's Success. Impact: The U.S. soccer team's failure to qualify could lead to a cultural shift where American sports fans finally realize that soccer is not just a fancy term for 'running around aimlessly.'. Fact: The U.S. men's soccer team has never won a World Cup. But don’t worry, they still have the participation trophies from the 90s!.
• Headline: Silicon Valley Courts Brand-Name Teachers, Raising Ethics Issues. Impact: As teachers brand themselves, expect a future where classrooms are just glorified influencer meet-and-greets. Who needs textbooks when you can learn math from a TikTok dance?. Fact: Teachers are now expected to be social media savvy. Next up: 'How to teach calculus in 15 seconds or less!'.
• Headline: Celine Dion Loves You. And You. And You.. Impact: Celine Dion’s foray into handbags could be the beginning of a new trend where pop stars sell everything from shoes to emotional support animals. Who wouldn't want a purse that sings?. Fact: Celine Dion once wore a dress made entirely of meat for a performance. So, her handbag line is just a step towards a full ensemble line, right?.