AUGUST 6, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Foreign Investment Boosts U.S. Job Market. Impact: This influx of foreign investment turned Chattanooga into a bustling economic hub. But little did they know, it would also lead to the eventual rise of a new breed of hipster—those who brew artisanal coffee while discussing the merits of international trade agreements.. Fact: Chattanooga is also home to the first ever Coca-Cola bottling plant. Who knew fizzy drinks could lead to economic miracles?.
• Headline: Black-Backed Woodpecker and Forest Fires. Impact: The debate over forest fires sparked a new generation of eco-warriors who decided that instead of fighting fires, they would just throw marshmallows at them. Spoiler: it didn't work out as planned.. Fact: The Black-Backed Woodpecker can survive in habitats that are, well, basically just charred remains. Talk about resilience!.
• Headline: De Blasio Proposes Wealth Tax for Transit. Impact: De Blasio's tax proposal lit a fire under the wealthy New Yorkers, leading to the creation of a new underground economy where they barter luxury items instead of paying taxes—because who wants to fund public transport when you can trade a designer handbag?. Fact: New York City has over 472 subway stations. That's a lot of potential places to lose your phone!.
• Headline: Under Trump, Coal Mining Gets New Life on U.S. Lands. Impact: Reviving coal mining under Trump led to a boom in 'clean coal' memes, which ultimately resulted in the creation of a new social media influencer type: the 'Coalfluencer'. They advocate for coal while posing with pickaxes and face masks in picturesque mines.. Fact: Coal can be used to create diamonds. So, if you’re feeling down about the coal industry, just remember it has hidden potential, much like your ex’s mixtape..
• Headline: Political Donors Put Their Money Where the Memes Are. Impact: Political donors investing in memes inadvertently led to the rise of meme-based political parties, where candidates campaigned exclusively through viral cat videos and TikTok dances. Elections became less about policies and more about who could make the best meme.. Fact: Memes have become so influential that some politicians now hire meme consultants. Next up: meme debates!.