JULY 31, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Selig's Induction: Cheers and Jeers. Impact: If only Bud Selig had been greeted with cheers, perhaps the trajectory of baseball fandom would have shifted to a more harmonious relationship with the commissioner. Instead, we see a timeline where fans become increasingly disgruntled, leading to the rise of hooliganism in the stands. Baseball riots? Who knew that was a thing?. Fact: Did you know that Bud Selig once suggested that the 'designated hitter' was a conspiracy to ruin baseball? Just kidding, but wouldn't that have been a plot twist?.
• Headline: Crossrail: Ambition Meets Brexit's Reality. Impact: Ah, Brexit, the gift that keeps on giving! The new subway was supposed to symbolize unity, but instead, it’s just a reminder of how quickly progress can be derailed by political decisions. In an alternate timeline, Britons are all happily commuting across Europe, sipping lattes in Paris, and the only 'Brexit' they know involves leaving a party early.. Fact: Fun fact: the London Underground is the oldest underground railway network in the world. Little did they know it would be the last thing to connect them to the rest of Europe!.
• Headline: Discovery to Buy Scripps, Owner of Food Network, in $11.9 Billion Deal. Impact: Discovery buying Scripps is like watching a game of corporate Jenga. One wrong move, and the whole media structure could come crashing down. In the timeline where this deal never happened, perhaps we’d all be watching more cooking shows about kale salads instead of whatever that latest reality show was about.. Fact: Did you know that the Food Network once had a show featuring a guy cooking in his underwear? Now that's the kind of consolidation we can all get behind!.
• Headline: John Kelly, Asserting Authority, Fires Anthony Scaramucci. Impact: When John Kelly fired Scaramucci, it sent shockwaves through the White House, proving that even the chaos has a hierarchy. In this alternate timeline, Scaramucci becomes a beloved late-night talk show host, while Kelly is left wondering where it all went wrong. Spoiler alert: it started with 'You're fired!'. Fact: Did you know that Scaramucci's tenure lasted only 11 days? That’s shorter than most people's New Year’s resolutions!.