JULY 18, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republican Senators Reject Health Care Reforms. Impact: If only Senators Moran and Lee had decided to binge-watch Netflix instead of showing up to the Senate, perhaps healthcare would have become a reality. Fast forward to the future, and we see that the lack of healthcare reform led to a surge in 'self-care' trends, like goat yoga and essential oils. Thanks, Senators!. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, the healthcare system in the U.S. remains a topic of endless debate. Remember: if you can't fix it, at least make it a reality TV show!.
• Headline: U.S.-China Economic Relations Meeting. Impact: This meeting was so crucial, it could have altered the course of the U.S.-China economic relationship. Imagine if they had decided to exchange recipes instead of trade secrets. The world might now be obsessed with fusion cuisine instead of tariffs!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'economic relations' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's try not to start World War III over iPhones'?.
• Headline: Nelson Peltz's Constructivist Approach to Investing. Impact: Peltz's desire to be seen as a 'constructivist' is like wanting to be the cool parent. It led to a future where investors started wearing berets and sipping lattes while contemplating their next big 'friendly' takeover. Who knew finance could be so... artsy?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more confusing than Peltz's title is the number of ways one can say 'activist' without actually saying it..
• Headline: The Tate Modern and the Battle for London’s Soul. Impact: The Tate Modern's evolution from a power station to an art hub sparked a global trend of turning abandoned spaces into hipster havens. Soon, every abandoned factory became a 'cultural experience'—which is just a fancy way of saying overpriced coffee and exposed brick.. Fact: London is so trendy these days that even the pigeons have their own Instagram accounts. They’re probably more influential than some politicians!.
• Headline: After Decades of War, Colombian Farmers Face a New Test: Peace. Impact: As Colombian farmers faced the challenge of peace, the ripple effect was felt worldwide. This led to the rise of organic coffee enthusiasts everywhere, who now feel morally superior for sipping their ethically sourced brews while ignoring the complexities of global farming.. Fact: The transition from war to peace is like switching from instant coffee to French press: it takes time and a lot of trial and error before you get a decent cup..