JUNE 23, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gated Community from Public Housing Funding. Impact: By creating a gated community, the complex inadvertently sparks a rise in neighborhood gentrification, leading to an influx of artisanal avocado toast vendors in the area. This ultimately results in an avocado shortage, causing global panic and the creation of black market guacamole.. Fact: Gated communities are like fortresses for the financially elite, where the only thing missing is a moat filled with crocodiles. Or maybe that's just the next trend..
• Headline: Pelosi Defends Leadership Amid Election Setback. Impact: Pelosi's proclamation inspires a new movement where politicians start charging for emotional labor, leading to a bizarre economy where voters have to pay for their opinions—resulting in the world's first 'thought currency.'. Fact: Pelosi's self-worth is apparently measured in political turbulence. Who knew leadership came with a side of drama and a sprinkle of ego?.
• Headline: Get Cancer Now, Before Congress Cuts Your Insurance. Impact: This headline creates a movement where people start pretending to get sick just to beat Congress to the insurance claims. By 2030, 'cancer cosplay' becomes the latest trend, replete with wigs and hospital gowns.. Fact: The healthcare system in the U.S. is so convoluted that getting sick might actually be the most strategic move one can make—who needs a stock portfolio when you have a pre-existing condition?.
• Headline: Does God Want You to Spend $300,000 for College?. Impact: The skyrocketing college prices lead to the establishment of an underground 'Degree Barter System' where students trade skills for diplomas, resulting in the rise of the 'degree-less professor' who teaches advanced philosophy in exchange for tacos.. Fact: Spending $300,000 for college is basically like buying a one-way ticket to a lifetime of debt and uncertain career prospects. But hey, at least you get a nice piece of paper to hang on your wall!.