JUNE 21, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Effects of Climate on Air Travel. Impact: As air travel becomes a hot mess due to climate change, it might just inspire future generations to take a vacation on horseback. Eventually, historians will look back at this as the moment when 'slow travel' became the new 'fast travel'—because who needs a plane when you can gallop through the fields?. Fact: Did you know that in the past, people used to actually walk places? Crazy, right? Now we just complain about our flights being delayed by nature..
• Headline: Senate Republicans Clash Over Medicaid Funding. Impact: The GOP's bickering over Medicaid and opioids may have inadvertently paved the way for a future where politicians are forced to agree on something—like that pineapple on pizza is a crime against humanity, potentially uniting the parties in disgust.. Fact: Fun fact: Political disagreements can sometimes lead to bipartisan support... for Netflix binges instead of actual policymaking!.
• Headline: Trump Admits Shortcomings in North Korea Strategy. Impact: Trump's admission of failure could lead to a chain reaction where world leaders simultaneously rethink their strategies, resulting in an unprecedented global 'Oops, my bad!' summit where everyone just apologizes for their past decisions.. Fact: It's said that admitting failure is the first step to improvement. So, by that logic, Trump must be on the fast track to becoming a master strategist!.
• Headline: Review: ‘Fulfillment Center’ Finds the Poetry in Missed Connections. Impact: The play 'Fulfillment Center' may inspire a new genre of art that focuses on the mundane struggles of connection, leading to a future where people lament the lack of deep, meaningful conversations while scrolling through their phones.. Fact: Did you know that 'mismatched connections' is also the title of every dating app profile ever? Truly, art imitates life!.
• Headline: Karen Handel Wins Georgia Special Election, Fending Off Upstart Democrat. Impact: Karen Handel's victory might just spark a new trend in political campaigns where wearing sensible shoes becomes a key factor in winning elections—a direct result of all that walking door-to-door.. Fact: Did you know that special elections are basically like reality TV but with more chaos and less talent? Grab your popcorn!.