JUNE 16, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mueller's Political Challenge as Special Counsel. Impact: If Mueller hadn’t stepped into the fray, perhaps the world would have been blissfully unaware of political investigations. Who knows, maybe reality TV stars would be running the country by now without any scrutiny.. Fact: Mueller once investigated a case involving a mobster who used a pizza joint as a front. So, if you ever think your local pizza place seems suspicious, it might be time to call in the special counsel!.
• Headline: Cautionary Lessons for Infrastructure Funding. Impact: Trump’s infrastructure plan could have paved the way for a new golden age of potholes and crumbling bridges, if only other countries hadn't already proven that private funding can lead to more problems than solutions. But hey, who needs lessons from history?. Fact: In ancient Rome, they had a saying: 'All roads lead to Rome.' In modern America, it seems all roads lead to financial disaster. Progress!.
• Headline: Lorde's Growth in 'Melodrama'. Impact: Lorde's realization that you can’t party away your melancholy could have inspired countless youth to embrace their feelings instead of drowning them in disco balls and bad decisions. Imagine a world where everyone writes sad songs instead of making regrettable choices!. Fact: Lorde’s first album made waves at the age of 16. If only we all had that kind of talent at that age instead of just perfecting the art of eye-rolling at family gatherings..
• Headline: Addicts Need Help. Jails Could Have the Answer.. Impact: If Kentucky jails become the new detox centers, we might see a future where prisons double as wellness retreats. Just imagine inmates sipping herbal tea instead of plotting their next heist!. Fact: The concept of jails helping addicts is almost as revolutionary as the idea of cats being good for mental health. Who would have thought!.
• Headline: He Thought He’d Be Your Rabbi. Now, He’ll Get You a Mortgage.. Impact: David Frankel’s career shift from rabbi to mortgage broker might just inspire a new trend of holy figures tackling mundane financial crises. Next up: priests teaching budgeting classes!. Fact: There’s a joke that goes, ‘Why did the rabbi become a mortgage broker? Because he wanted to find a way to make interest without breaking the commandments!’ Oh wait, that's not a joke; that's just life..