JUNE 7, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the $50 Amazon Fire Tablet. Impact: The $50 Amazon Fire sparked a revolution in budget tech, leading to the rise of a new generation of 'tech enthusiasts' who proudly declare, 'It works... sometimes!' This eventually resulted in the widespread acceptance of mediocrity as the new standard, which then paved the way for an era where everyone was just fine with streaming 8-bit videos.. Fact: Did you know that for the price of a $50 Amazon Fire, you could almost buy a cup of artisanal coffee that will also disappoint you, but at least it'll taste better?.
• Headline: London Attackers Ignored Warning Signs. Impact: The missed warnings in the London attack led to a ripple effect of overzealous security measures in public spaces, resulting in a world where every coffee shop now has a bouncer. Meanwhile, the phrase 'better safe than sorry' became the mantra of every bureaucrat, causing an exponential increase in small talk about security protocols.. Fact: Did you know that in the aftermath of this event, people started taking their shoes off at the airport just to feel like they were doing something useful with their lives?.
• Headline: Rebecca Hall Shines in 'Animal' Review. Impact: Rebecca Hall's performance in 'Animal' reignited interest in dark, brooding theatre, leading to a sudden influx of melodramatic monologues in local coffee shops. This inadvertently created a subculture of hipsters who now exclusively perform sad poetry while sipping on their third cold brew of the day.. Fact: Did you know that brooding is now considered a form of cardio for actors? That's right, it counts as exercise!.
• Headline: A ‘Lost’ John Lautner House Is Found and Restored. Impact: The discovery and restoration of the lost John Lautner house not only saved a piece of architectural history but triggered a frenzy for mid-century modern homes, causing a nationwide shortage of avocado toast and a dramatic increase in the use of the word 'vintage' among real estate agents.. Fact: Did you know that people now need a degree in architecture just to understand the design of their own living rooms? Thanks, Lautner!.
• Headline: Robot Cars Can’t Count on Us in an Emergency. Impact: The 'handoff' problem with robot cars created a widespread fear of technology, leading to a backlash against autonomous vehicles. Ironically, this resulted in the rise of a new generation of 'manual driving enthusiasts' who reminisce about the joys of parallel parking while sipping on their homemade kombucha.. Fact: Did you know that in a world where robot cars rule the roads, the most dangerous thing you could do is actually pay attention while driving? Talk about a plot twist!.