MAY 26, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Saudi Prince's Investment Boosts Blackstone Project. Impact: The $20 billion investment led to a massive infrastructure boom that, in turn, spawned the rise of an underground society of DIY urban planners, who believed they could do better than Blackstone. Somewhere in the future, they accidentally invent a new form of transportation that involves hoverboards powered by coffee grounds.. Fact: Did you know that Blackstone's name sounds like an evil corporation from a 90s action movie? Spoiler alert: They’re not the heroes!.
• Headline: Hannity's Advertiser Support Amid Controversy. Impact: Sean Hannity's steadfastness in the face of controversy inspired a new reality TV show trend where public figures double down on bizarre conspiracy theories, leading to a future where Kardashians run for public office based solely on their Instagram followers.. Fact: Fun fact: Hannity's name is often used as a synonym for 'follower of questionable logic'..
• Headline: American History of Leaking Secrets. Impact: This leaking culture gave rise to a secret society of whistleblowers who believed they could save the world with memes. Fast forward a few decades, and they accidentally cause a meme war that alters the course of digital communication forever.. Fact: Did you know that the original American leak was just a guy who couldn't keep a secret about where he hid his lunch?.
• Headline: Where Will the Medical Misfits Go?. Impact: The decline of safety-net hospitals triggered a nationwide 'Save the Misfits' campaign, resulting in a reality show where doctors treat bizarre ailments, leading to an explosion of creative medical theories. In the future, people might swear by 'essential oils' for everything!. Fact: Did you know that safety-net hospitals are like the last slice of pizza at a party? Everyone needs it, but no one wants to admit it!.
• Headline: McConnell May Have Been Right: It May Be Too Hard to Replace Obamacare. Impact: McConnell's realization sparked a series of 'Oh No' moments in Congress, leading to a bizarre legislative dance-off where lawmakers had to physically compete to get their bills passed. Spoiler alert: Nobody wins.. Fact: Did you know that 'Obamacare' was almost replaced with 'McConnellcare', which is just a care package of stale donuts and political jargon?.