MAY 24, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Uber's Driver Repayment Controversy. Impact: As Uber takes a teeny tiny step towards paying drivers what they actually deserve, the ripple effect leads to a future where gig economy workers finally demand benefits. This sparks a global movement, resulting in governments forcing companies to offer paid vacation, health insurance, and maybe even free pizza Fridays. Thanks, Uber!. Fact: Did you know that Uber drivers have been known to experience more existential crises than most philosophers? Turns out, it's hard to ponder the meaning of life while being underpaid and overworked!.
• Headline: Republicans Struggle with Budget Unity. Impact: This budgetary gridlock will eventually inspire a new genre of reality TV—'Survivor: Budget Edition'—where politicians have to negotiate over funding while living on a deserted island. Spoiler alert: No one gets voted off, but everyone ends up starving for solutions.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more divided than the Republican Party is a pizza with pineapple on it? Just as controversial and nobody can agree on it!.
• Headline: Colleges Compete Post-Deadline for Students. Impact: As colleges realize that dangling money works better than a career fair, future generations of students will begin to expect scholarships simply for showing up. This leads to a new trend where students start ghosting colleges and instead, receive acceptance letters from the universe itself.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, students will be negotiating their college acceptance letters like they're haggling at a flea market? 'I'll take this degree, but only if you throw in a lifetime supply of ramen noodles!'.
• Headline: Amazon Sets Up Shop in the Heart of the Publishing Industry. Impact: With Amazon's invasion of the publishing industry, a series of events unfold leading to the rise of a new literary genre: 'Dystopian Novels About Amazon Taking Over.' This causes a boom in sales for aspiring authors who just needed a little inspiration (and a dash of paranoia) to fuel their creativity.. Fact: Did you know that in a few decades, people will reminisce about the good old days of reading physical books while scrolling through virtual reality book covers? 'Remember when we actually had to turn pages? How quaint!'.