MAY 23, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Budget Cuts Medicaid Funding. Impact: As Medicaid funding dwindles, more people turn to underground barter systems for healthcare, inadvertently reviving medieval trade practices and leading to a resurgence of black markets for essential services. Who knew the future of healthcare would hinge on bartering apples for doctor's visits?. Fact: Did you know that slashing $800 billion from Medicaid could actually fund an entire new universe of conspiracy theories about the government's secret plans to turn everyone into space potatoes? Just a thought..
• Headline: Maximum Terror Alert Following Manchester Attack. Impact: The raised alert level leads to a surge in British tea consumption as citizens seek comfort, inadvertently boosting the economy of local tea shops. Who knew that a potential terror threat could lead to a nationwide caffeine high?. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'critical alert' sounds dramatic, but it really just means 'let's all drink tea and hope for the best!'.
• Headline: Harley-Davidson's Manufacturing Shift. Impact: The move to Thailand sparks a global trend of motorcycle manufacturers relocating, leading to a bizarre future where every country has its own 'made in' slogan but with a twist: 'Made in the place we can pay the least!'. Fact: Did you know that every time a Harley moves overseas, a biker sheds a tear and a new line of 'I used to be American' t-shirts is born?.
• Headline: Malaysian Money. Opulent Ideas. But Now, for Park Lane, a Forced Sale.. Impact: The forced sale leads to a bizarre trend of luxury hotels being turned into art installations highlighting the absurdity of wealth, culminating in a future where the Park Lane Hotel is a trendy museum dedicated to 'What Not to Do with Money.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more fleeting than a luxury hotel’s glory is the attention span of a millionaire at an auction? Spoiler: it’s not much..
• Headline: Fighting Trump on Climate, California Becomes a Global Force. Impact: California's climate fight ignites a worldwide movement where states declare independence in environmental policies, leading to a future where global warming is countered by increasingly bizarre state mascots—think ‘Eco-Warrior Sasquatch’ for Washington.. Fact: Did you know that California’s resistance to climate change could eventually lead to the establishment of a new state holiday called 'Plant a Tree or Scream at a Cloud Day'? Mark your calendars!.