MAY 18, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Flynn's Investigations Preceded White House Role. Impact: If only the Trump Team had turned into amateur detectives instead of political operatives, they could have started a trend of candidates running background checks on their own team. Imagine the alternate history where every presidential candidate comes with a background check report longer than their manifesto.. Fact: Did you know that being under investigation while preparing to hold the highest office in the land is like starting a new job while still employed at your last one? Awkward!.
• Headline: Trump Faces Investigation Amid Scandal. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction that led to a nationwide increase in conspiracy theories. By the end of the decade, every coffee shop would feature a local 'expert' ready to share their wild theories about the government - and all that started with a little buzz in D.C.. Fact: Fun fact: 'scandal' in Washington is to politicians what a new diet fad is to influencers—everyone's on it, but no one really knows how it works..
• Headline: Puerto Rico's Financial Crisis Court Hearing. Impact: The trials faced by Puerto Rico highlighted the fragility of local economies. This led to a new trend of other states and territories realizing that, hey, maybe they should pay attention to their own finances before they end up in a courtroom too. Spoiler: not many learned this lesson.. Fact: It's amazing how a government can be broke and still afford to pay lawyers for an endless parade of court appearances. Talk about budgeting!.
• Headline: States Trim Penalties and Prison Rolls, Even as Sessions Gets Tough. Impact: This shift sparked a nationwide movement toward criminal justice reform. Eventually, the term 'going soft on crime' became synonymous with being merely reasonable. Who knew that trying to save money could lead to saving lives?. Fact: Did you know that trimming penalties is basically like putting a 'please don't' sign on a buffet for criminals? They might just take it more seriously!.
• Headline: Trump, Citing ‘a Witch Hunt,’ Denies Any Collusion With Russia. Impact: This bold declaration opened the floodgates for future political figures to use 'witch hunt' as a catch-all excuse for any scandal. It's like the new 'dog ate my homework' but for grown-ups in ties.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'witch hunt' is now so overused that it might as well be a new genre of music—just imagine the Spotify playlist!.