APRIL 26, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Tax Plan Unveiled. Impact: Had Trump's tax plan included a unicorn tax, we might have ended up with a thriving industry of unicorn farming instead of corporate bailouts. Imagine the glitter economy! But alas, instead we just have more tax loopholes than a Swiss cheese factory.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the tax loopholes created by Trump’s plan, they would reach the moon? Just kidding, they’d probably just circle around the Earth a few times before disappearing into the black hole of the economy..
• Headline: Review: Corey Hawkins in Six Degrees. Impact: The revival of 'Six Degrees of Separation' may have inadvertently led to a rise in pretenders and con artists everywhere, creating an alternate timeline where everyone thinks they're one degree away from a celebrity. Spoiler alert: you're probably not.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of theater, there’s actually a degree of separation between talent and critical acclaim? Just ask the critics…or don’t..
• Headline: Enduring Impact of Low Inflation. Impact: If low inflation sticks around, it might just lead to a world where people don’t complain about prices anymore. Imagine a future where that one guy at the coffee shop stops whining about his overpriced latte! Truly, a dystopian nightmare.. Fact: Did you know that economists are just like weather forecasters? They can predict the future, but it’s always best to carry an umbrella, just in case inflation decides to rain on your parade..
• Headline: The Pen and the Trigger Finger: Examining Gun Violence Onstage. Impact: The examination of gun violence on stage may spark a revolution in theater, leading to a new genre: 'Trigger Drama.' This could eventually morph into reality TV. Stay tuned for 'Real Housewives of Gun Control!'. Fact: Did you know that live theater can evoke real emotions? Shocking, I know! Who would’ve thought that staging a tragedy could actually make people feel sad?.
• Headline: Huawei, Chinese Technology Giant, Is Focus of Widening U.S. Investigation. Impact: The investigation into Huawei could lead to a future where every smartphone is scrutinized, resulting in a black market for 'good old flip phones.' Somewhere, a nostalgic teenager is rejoicing.. Fact: Did you know that Huawei's name translates to 'China is great'? Ironically, it might just be the only thing that doesn't cause a stir during a congressional hearing..