APRIL 22, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Democrats Diverge in Nebraska Unity Event. Impact: If Democrats had found actual unity in Nebraska, they might have accidentally invented a time machine—one that could have transported them back to a time when people cared about political parties instead of social media trends. Who knew a senator's popularity could cause such a ripple in the fabric of time?. Fact: Did you know that Bernie Sanders once said he feels more comfortable with a group of squirrels than with some party politicians? Guess he’s not a fan of ‘unity’ either!.
• Headline: Revitalizing Tennis in Cuba. Impact: The tennis makeover in Cuba sparked an international craze where countries began to overhaul their national sports facilities. Soon, every country was trying to outdo each other, leading to a global competition for the most luxurious tennis courts—who knew tennis could change the world?. Fact: Did you know that tennis was originally played with your bare hands? Imagine the chaos if we still played like that—tennis elbow would be the least of our worries!.
• Headline: Daniel Murphy’s Keen Eye Bolsters a Nationals Pillar. Impact: Daniel Murphy's insight into hitting mechanics not only improved Ryan Zimmerman's performance but also inadvertently led to the rise of sports analytics as a dominant force in baseball—eventually resulting in robots managing teams by the year 2040. Thanks, Daniel.. Fact: Did you know that Ryan Zimmerman once hit a home run so hard it was rumored to have caused a minor earthquake? Seismologists are still debating if it was a groundswell of support or just a really powerful swing!.
• Headline: How Airline Workers Learn to Deal With You. Impact: The introduction of 'verbal judo' for airline workers has inadvertently turned air travel into a live-action improv show. Soon, flight crews will be receiving Oscars for their performances in dealing with unruly passengers—‘Best Dramatic Monologue’ is bound to become a category.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'verbal judo' sounds cooler than it actually is? Most of it just involves a lot of eye-rolling and deep breathing from flight attendants trying to keep their sanity intact!.