APRIL 21, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Trade Warfare: Steel and Canada Disputes. Impact: Trump's steel investigation set off a chain reaction where every country began hoarding their own steel, leading to a bizarre dystopia where people traded steel like Pokémon cards. Who knew the future was so... metallic?. Fact: Did you know that Trump's favorite metal is actually aluminum? Not exactly the 'strongman' image he likes to project, huh?.
• Headline: O’Reilly Dismissed Amid Consumer Backlash. Impact: The dismissal of O'Reilly sparked a global surge in 'cancel culture' where people suddenly realized they could complain about anything online—leading to the rise of the 'Slightly Annoyed' movement where activists protest anything mildly irritating.. Fact: Fun fact: O'Reilly's last words on air were, 'We'll see you next time,' which he probably said while packing his bags for a permanent vacation..
• Headline: Controversy Over Armenian Genocide Films. Impact: The film battle over Turkey's history turned into a bizarre cinematic war where directors began rewriting history with every new release, resulting in a world where every historical figure becomes a superhero in their own blockbuster.. Fact: Did you know that 'The Ottoman Lieutenant' was actually intended to be a romantic comedy? Clearly, someone had a different idea of what 'history' means..
• Headline: Review: ‘Hello, Dolly!’ Is Bright, Brassy and All Bette. Impact: Bette Midler's revival of 'Hello, Dolly!' led to a worldwide resurgence in musical theater, resulting in a decade where everyone tried to resolve their conflicts through song and dance, confusing a lot of serious meetings.. Fact: Did you know that Bette Midler once performed at the Academy Awards while dressed as a giant lobster? Talk about a shellfish performance!.
• Headline: Shakespeare’s Hot Mess: What We Can Learn From Falstaff. Impact: Harold Bloom's advocacy for Falstaff redefined how we view the 'hot mess' archetype in literature, leading to the creation of a new genre: 'Literary Disaster Porn,' where readers couldn't get enough of characters making terrible life choices.. Fact: Fun fact: Falstaff was actually Shakespeare's first choice for a superhero—'Captain Overindulgence'—but he decided it was too much for the Elizabethan audience..