MARCH 31, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Decline of Women Coaches Since Title IX. Impact: The decline of women coaches might just lead to a future where all college teams are coached by robots. Because, you know, if you can't find qualified humans, why not let AI do it? Not like they have feelings or anything.. Fact: Fun fact: Title IX was supposed to promote gender equality in sports. Instead, it seems to have inspired a massive game of musical chairs where women keep getting left out..
• Headline: Andrew McCarthy Becomes a Young Adult Author. Impact: Andrew McCarthy becoming a young adult novelist could spark a future trend where all 80s teen stars decide to reinvent themselves as literary figures. Expect a wave of books about angst, love triangles, and a lot of 'You just don't understand!' moments.. Fact: Did you know that McCarthy's character in 'Pretty in Pink' was known for his iconic fashion sense? Who knew that one day, he'd be trading in the pink for prose?.
• Headline: How Scared Should People on the Border Be?. Impact: The fear around border security could lead to a future where people are too scared to even leave their homes, creating a dystopian society where everyone just binge-watches Netflix in their pajamas—oh wait, that's already happening.. Fact: Did you know that rumors about border security are often more terrifying than the actual checkpoints? It's like the world's worst game of telephone, but with real-life consequences..
• Headline: How to Avoid Stress When You’re Moving. Impact: The stress of moving could eventually lead to the invention of a teleportation device because who wouldn't want to skip all that heavy lifting and just appear in their new living room?. Fact: Did you know that moving is listed among the top five most stressful life events? Right up there with divorce and losing your job. So, you know, no pressure..