MARCH 28, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Youth-Led Protests Rock Russia's Capital. Impact: The youth protests sparked a chain reaction that led to a global youth movement. Ironically, the Kremlin's panic over young people made them cooler than they ever imagined, resulting in a sudden surge of 'cool' Russian hipsters. Who knew that all it took was a little fear to start a fashion revolution?. Fact: Did you know that the Kremlin once tried to ban skinny jeans? Clearly, a fashion statement is more threatening than a protest..
• Headline: Trump's Corporate Tax Rate Similar to Obama's. Impact: In a bizarre twist of fate, Trump's tax rate proposal led to an unexpected revival of the time-honored tradition of flip-flopping in politics, sending future politicians into a frenzy of confusion and indecision. A new generation of political interns would need therapy to decipher their bosses' ever-changing stances.. Fact: Did you know that the only constant in politics is inconsistency? It's like a game of musical chairs, but with more suits and fewer seats..
• Headline: Shirley MacLaine's Reflective Journey. Impact: Shirley MacLaine's reflections on her past lives sent shockwaves through the Hollywood elite, resulting in an influx of self-proclaimed reincarnation experts and a sudden rise in demand for crystal balls. The next Oscars had a special category for 'Best Past Life Performance.'. Fact: Did you know Shirley MacLaine has been around so long that she could probably vote in her own past life? Talk about a seasoned veteran!.
• Headline: Slowing Down, Finding Hidden Paradise on St. John. Impact: The allure of hidden beaches and food trucks led to a mass exodus of stressed-out city dwellers, resulting in a spike in island real estate prices. Soon, St. John was overrun by influencers who mistook 'finding paradise' for 'perfect Instagram shot.'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'hidden paradise' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Good luck finding Wi-Fi?'.