MARCH 27, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Icahn's Controversial Advisor Role Uncovered. Impact: Icahn's dual roles created a paradox that led to the invention of the 'Ethics Paradox' theory in the future, where investors are required to wear a 'Conflicted Interests' badge to ensure transparency. This led to a surge in badge-making businesses.. Fact: Did you know that ethics in politics is like a unicorn? Everyone talks about it, but no one's ever seen one in the wild?.
• Headline: Pioneering Female Venture Capitalists in Retail. Impact: Kirsten Green's success inspired a wave of female venture capitalists, leading to a future where boardrooms are filled with women, and the phrase 'glass ceiling' becomes a relic, replaced by 'glass escalator'.. Fact: In the future, they'll probably have a 'Women in VC' Day, where men are encouraged to wear dresses to show support. Because that's how we solve gender inequality, right?.
• Headline: The Weekly Standard's Defense of Truth. Impact: The Weekly Standard's fight against falsehoods sparked a renaissance for fact-checkers, who eventually became the most sought-after profession, leading to the creation of the 'Fact-check Olympics' in 2045.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more durable than a lie is a fact-checker’s coffee addiction. They say caffeine is the real hero in the battle against misinformation..
• Headline: Dealt a Defeat, Republicans Set Their Sights on Major Tax Cuts. Impact: The Republicans' defeat and subsequent focus on tax cuts shifted the political landscape, resulting in a future where tax cuts are celebrated like holidays, with 'Tax Cut Day' parades that feature floats of dollar signs.. Fact: Did you know that tax cuts are like a magician's trick? They make money disappear from social services and reappear in the pockets of billionaires. Ta-da!.
• Headline: ‘Why Do All the Jihadis Come to Birmingham?’. Impact: The stigma surrounding Birmingham led to a counter-culture movement where locals embraced their city’s reputation, creating a thriving tourism industry centered around 'Jihadi Tours', complete with guided history lessons.. Fact: The only thing more ironic than the stigma against Birmingham is that it’s actually a lovely place if you can get past the headlines. Plus, they have excellent curry!.