MARCH 25, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republicans Face Internal Struggles on Health Care. Impact: By punching themselves in the face, Republicans inadvertently inspired a new trend in politics: self-sabotage as a strategy. This led to a whole new genre of political memes, forever altering the way we view political discourse. Thanks for the laughs!. Fact: Did you know that the Freedom Caucus once tried to pass a bill that would allow them to punch themselves in the face as a form of self-care? Just kidding, but it wouldn't be surprising!.
• Headline: Trump's Health Vote Showdown Drama. Impact: Trump's decision to drop the health care vote sent shockwaves through the political realm, leading to an unprecedented rise in the popularity of reality TV-style political commentary. Who knew that failing to govern would lead to better ratings?. Fact: Fun fact: Trump's advisors thought 'The Art of the Deal' was a guide on how to deal with legislation. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t..
• Headline: Gamecocks Upset Bears in Elite Eight. Impact: South Carolina's victory became a turning point in the sports world, inspiring underdogs everywhere. This paved the way for an explosion of motivational sports movies, which inevitably led to a resurgence of sweatbands in fashion. You're welcome, 1980s!. Fact: Did you know that South Carolina's mascot is a chicken? So, the next time you think about being a brave underdog, just remember: even chickens can pull off a stunning upset!.
• Headline: Amazon’s Ambitions Unboxed: Stores for Furniture, Appliances and More. Impact: Amazon's expansion into physical stores triggered a chain reaction where brick-and-mortar retailers started selling their souls to the internet gods. Soon enough, coupon-clippers began to vanish, creating a new species: the 'Online-Only Shopper.'. Fact: Did you know that Amazon's first-ever product was a book? Now they sell everything from furniture to a lifetime supply of regret. How far we've come!.
• Headline: When David Met Brooke: The Ultimate New York Power Couple. Impact: David and Brooke's coupling had such a profound effect on the New York social scene that it triggered a series of power couples, eventually leading to the invention of the reality television show 'Real Housewives of Manhattan.' Thanks a lot, guys!. Fact: Did you know that Mrs. Astor’s son once tried to buy public opinion? Turns out, money can't buy love, but it can rent a scandal or two!.