FEBRUARY 27, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Local Leader Faces Deportation in Illinois. Impact: The deportation of a beloved local figure sparked a national debate on immigration, leading to a series of 'town hall' meetings where everyone pretended to care about policy while sneaking in snacks. A grassroots movement was born, inadvertently resulting in a potato salad recipe that went viral.. Fact: Did you know that townspeople often rally for local heroes, but when it comes to politics, it’s more of a ‘let’s just keep eating chips and pretend this isn’t happening’ scenario?.
• Headline: Travel Restrictions Threaten 2026 World Cup Bid. Impact: The threat of travel restrictions not only jeopardized the World Cup bid but also ignited a secret society of soccer fans who began plotting to smuggle players in via underground tunnels. This eventually led to an international underground soccer league that was more thrilling than the actual World Cup.. Fact: Did you know that FIFA stands for 'Fabulously Irresistible Football Association'? Just kidding, it’s actually a money-making machine. But who can resist a good soccer match?.
• Headline: Review: Politics and an Upset Finish in the Oscars Broadcast. Impact: Politics infiltrating the Oscars led to a cultural moment where the phrase 'and the Oscar goes to...' became synonymous with 'and now a political lecture.' This resulted in a new genre of films: political dramas that are actually just long acceptance speeches.. Fact: Did you know that the Oscars are the only awards show where everyone pretends to care about social issues while wearing diamonds worth a small fortune? It’s like philanthropy, but with a red carpet!.
• Headline: What It Was Like Onstage During the Oscars 2017 Best Picture Mistake. Impact: The infamous Best Picture mistake became a legendary moment in Oscar history, leading to future award shows implementing tighter security and a new Oscar category for 'Most Dramatic Envelope.' This minor blunder caused a chain reaction, resulting in every envelope-loving person trying to become a stagehand.. Fact: Did you know that the Best Picture flub was so embarrassing that it made people rethink their life choices? Some even considered switching careers to 'envelope holder' just to avoid such blunders!.