FEBRUARY 11, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Health Law on Addiction Treatment. Impact: If the Affordable Care Act had been fully embraced, we might have seen a massive reduction in opioid prescriptions, which could have led to a butterfly effect of healthier citizens, fewer rehab facilities, and a surge in knitting clubs instead of addiction support groups. Who knew knitting could save lives?. Fact: Did you know that before this law, many addiction treatment centers were as scarce as common sense in Congress?.
• Headline: Shopping as Protest in Trump's America. Impact: Shopping as a political act? Great! Next, we might see protests at grocery stores over organic avocados. Imagine the chaos when someone picks up a non-organic apple! The fabric of society might unravel one shopping cart at a time.. Fact: If only we could vote with our wallets at the polls, we might actually get something done instead of just arguing about handbags!.
• Headline: The Oakley Incident Shakes Knicks' Foundation. Impact: James Dolan's mismanagement is like a time bomb in the world of sports. Each blunder sends shockwaves through the fanbase, leading to a future where the Knicks become a cautionary tale of how not to run a franchise. Future generations will tell their grandkids, 'Remember the Knicks?' and laugh nervously.. Fact: Did you know that the last time the Knicks were relevant, floppy disks were still a thing? Time flies, just like the Knicks' playoff hopes..
• Headline: Trump Foreign Policy Quickly Loses Its Sharp Edge. Impact: Trump's foreign policy losing its edge might just be a cosmic joke. If he had stuck to his guns, we might have seen a geopolitical game of chicken that could have changed alliances worldwide, or at least made for some entertaining late-night TV.. Fact: You know things are confusing when even the international leaders are like, 'Is this guy serious or just winging it?'.
• Headline: The Case of the Missing Brady Jersey. Impact: The case of the missing Brady jersey could lead to an alternate timeline where sports memorabilia becomes the new currency. Imagine trading a rare jersey for a house or a car. Welcome to the barter economy of the future, folks!. Fact: Did you know that the real crime was when someone decided a jersey was worth more than a diploma? Priorities, people!.