FEBRUARY 4, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lombardi Trophy's Unlikely Origins Revealed. Impact: The awkward handoff of the Lombardi Trophy could have led to a series of events where sportsmanship became the norm, instead of just a funny meme. Imagine a world where NFL players just exchanged trophies like they were passing a peace pipe. But alas, here we are. Fact: Fun fact: The Lombardi Trophy is made of sterling silver. Which is fitting, because it’s worth about as much as the egos of the team owners who fight over it.
• Headline: Trump's Ongoing Business Ties Revealed. Impact: Trump's continued ties to his empire may have inadvertently set off a chain reaction of 'business as usual' in politics, leading to a future where politicians run their campaigns from their private islands. Who needs separation of powers when you can have separation of islands?. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, Trump decided to become a professional juggler instead? But then he realized he couldn't handle more than one ball at a time.
• Headline: Foodies Know: Boulder Has Become a Hub for New Producers. Impact: Boulder's rise as a food hub may have inadvertently led to a global food revolution, where artisanal kale chips and vegan cheese became the norm. One can only hope the rest of the world follows suit and embraces the trend of overpriced, organic, gluten-free snacks. Fact: Fun fact: Boulder is so hip, even the squirrels have kale smoothies for breakfast. Seriously, you can’t even find a regular acorn around there!.
• Headline: Unease in Colombia, as Old Enemies Become New Neighbors. Impact: The uneasy coexistence in Colombia might just be the beginning of a new reality show called 'FARC Neighbors' where former rebels and townspeople compete in challenges like 'Who can forget the past first?' Spoiler alert: it’s not going to be pretty. Fact: In Colombia, they say that if you remember the past, you’re doomed to repeat it. But if you forget it, you might just end up on a reality TV show!.