JANUARY 30, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sean Spicer's Bold Stance as Press Secretary. Impact: Spicer's declaration of not being here to be someone's buddy led to a series of awkward White House brunches where no one wanted to sit next to him. This ripple effect eventually caused a nationwide decline in brunches, making bottomless mimosas a relic of the past.. Fact: Sean Spicer once tried to convince a room full of reporters that the White House had the best nachos. Spoiler: they didn’t..
• Headline: Silence of Muslim Nations on Trump’s Order. Impact: The silence from Muslim nations regarding Trump's order inspired a new genre of social media meme: 'The Silent Treatment.' This inadvertently launched a global trend of passive-aggressive communication that continues to confuse relationships to this day.. Fact: Silence can sometimes speak louder than words. Just ask anyone who's ever been in a tense family gathering..
• Headline: The Legacy of Wayne Barrett. Impact: Wayne Barrett's eulogy by his targets created an ironic twist in history where politicians felt compelled to praise journalists posthumously, leading to the establishment of a new holiday: 'Journalist Appreciation Day,' celebrated by sending flowers to the press corps (which is basically just an elaborate joke).. Fact: Eulogizing your enemies is a time-honored tradition. Just ask any monarch from medieval times..
• Headline: How Trump’s Rush to Enact an Immigration Ban Unleashed Global Chaos. Impact: Trump's swift immigration ban not only caused global chaos but also inadvertently led to the creation of a new extreme sport: 'Immigration Dodging,' where participants had to navigate a series of bureaucratic mazes to reach their destinations. This sport remains popular among thrill-seekers today.. Fact: Chaos tends to breed creativity... and some of the best memes. Who knew bureaucratic nightmares could inspire such artistic expression?.
• Headline: Bannon Is Given Security Role Usually Held for Generals. Impact: Bannon's ascension to a security role traditionally held for generals sparked a wave of political strategists demanding military titles, leading to a bizarre future where advisers to politicians are often called 'General Consultant' and wear army fatigues to meetings.. Fact: In the world of politics, you really can’t underestimate the power of a good costume. Just ask any Halloween enthusiast..