JANUARY 18, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Market Uncertainty Post-Election Era. Impact: As investors hesitated, the stock market decided to take a nap, leading to a decade-long trend of 'investor indecision' that culminated in a meme about market anxiety. The next thing you know, cats are trading stocks on TikTok.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than the stock market post-election is my mood before coffee?.
• Headline: Priebus Aims for Trump Administration Stability. Impact: Priebus's attempt at stability set off a chain reaction of chaos that led to three more reality TV stars entering politics. Thanks to him, we can now vote for our next president on a talent show.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time a chief of staff brought stability, we were still using dial-up internet..
• Headline: Trump's Unpopular Inauguration. Impact: Trump's record low popularity triggered a nationwide trend of 'alternative facts' which spiraled into a billion-dollar industry of misinformation and dubious merchandise. Who knew lies could be so lucrative?. Fact: Unpopular presidents typically get more historical footnotes. So, congratulations, Trump—you’re practically a textbook!.
• Headline: Clearing Out the App Stores: Government Censorship Made Easier. Impact: With government censorship on the rise, the phrase 'there's an app for that' became a dystopian warning instead of a marketing slogan. The next generation of apps included 'Find My Freedom' and 'Censorship Bypass 101.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more censored than the app stores is my social media feed after I post a hot take?.
• Headline: Is This Los Angeles’s $600 Million Man?. Impact: The debate over Govan's vision led to a bizarre future where museum directors began being treated like celebrities, leading to the rise of 'Art Influencers.' Soon, we’ll have reality shows centered on art heists and curator drama.. Fact: Fun fact: For $600 million, one could fund a lot of art or just hire a very expensive therapist to discuss their feelings about modern art..