NOVEMBER 30, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump Saves U.S. Jobs at Carrier Plant. Impact: By deciding to keep jobs in Indiana, Trump inadvertently set off a chain reaction where other companies realized they could also benefit from some good PR. This led to a trend of companies announcing they would 'consider' keeping jobs at home, while secretly still planning to outsource to Mars.. Fact: Did you know that this announcement was so exciting that even the workers at the plant thought about throwing a parade? Spoiler alert: they didn't, because they were still worried about their actual jobs..
• Headline: Tom Price's Health Law Proposal Impact. Impact: Tom Price's bill opened the floodgates for a health care merry-go-round that had people dizzy. It led to a new era where health insurance became more of a 'choose your own adventure' book, with everyone hoping to avoid the deadly endings.. Fact: Fun fact: Price’s bill was so empowering that it made patients feel strong enough to try and negotiate their own medical bills, which is like trying to negotiate with a brick wall—good luck with that!.
• Headline: Mnuchin: An Unlikely Treasury Nominee. Impact: Mnuchin's outsider status sparked a revolution in the idea of qualification. Thanks to him, future nominees realized they could simply have 'experience' in making money rather than actually knowing how to manage it. This paved the way for the next generation of finance wizards who just play Monopoly for a living.. Fact: Did you know? Mnuchin once made a fortune in the film industry, proving that even a lack of relevant experience can't stop someone from landing a top government job. Hollywood, here we come!.
• Headline: French Election Hints at a European Shift Toward Russia. Impact: The shift hinted at in France reverberated across Europe, leading to a new trend of countries brushing their diplomatic problems under the rug and pretending they were just 'taking a break' from confrontation. This ultimately resulted in a series of awkward dinners where everyone was just trying to avoid discussing the elephant in the room—literally.. Fact: Did you know that the last time Europe got cozy with Russia, it ended with a lot of awkward silence and a cold war? Let’s hope they remembered to bring snacks this time..
• Headline: Another Mass Grave Dug by ISIS in Iraq, and a Ghastly Ritual Renewed. Impact: This horrific practice not only reminded the world of the past horrors of war but also served as a grim reminder that history often repeats itself, especially when one group thinks they can rewrite it using a really bad playbook.. Fact: In the annals of history, mass graves have become a tragic symbol of conflict. It's a chilling reminder that humanity sometimes forgets its lessons, opting instead for the 'let's just do this again' approach..