NOVEMBER 24, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Students Prioritize Studies Amid Turmoil. Impact: Had those students at LaGuardia Community College been more concerned about Trump's election, maybe they'd have invented a time machine by now to save us all from those four years. Just think, we could have avoided endless Twitter rants and reality TV crossovers!. Fact: Did you know that LaGuardia Community College was named after Fiorello LaGuardia, who was a mayor of New York City known for his progressive ideas? Talk about irony in the face of today's political circus!.
• Headline: Challenges to Obama’s Legacy in Texas Courts. Impact: The Texas court's slashing of Obama's initiatives might have inspired a secret society of judges determined to rewrite the legal landscape. Imagine a future where judges wear capes and battle for the soul of legislation—sounds like a hit movie!. Fact: Fun fact: The judge's gavel is believed to symbolize authority and order, but in Texas, it apparently doubles as a magic wand for vanishing federal regulations!.
• Headline: Betsy DeVos and School Funding Controversies. Impact: If Betsy DeVos had just decided to open a school for time travelers instead, we could have sent students back to the days when public schools were actually funded properly—who knows, maybe we'd even get a do-over on education policy!. Fact: Did you know that Betsy DeVos once tried to promote school choice by comparing it to a buffet? Because nothing says 'educational reform' like serving up math and history in all-you-can-eat format!.
• Headline: More Than Coffee: New York’s Vanishing Diner Culture. Impact: As diners vanish, the world's reliance on greasy comfort food dwindles. Next thing you know, urban loneliness will be solved by robot baristas serving kale smoothies—oh joy, can’t wait to see the hipsters flock to that!. Fact: Did you know that diners were originally designed to be open 24/7? Clearly, they hadn’t counted on the rise of artisan toast and avocado prices skyrocketing to gourmet heights!.
• Headline: Robert Morgenthau on His Years as District Attorney: ‘I Don’t Look Back’. Impact: Robert Morgenthau's refusal to look back might just prevent a massive time loop where he constantly re-evaluates the past. If only every politician could take that advice—imagine the peace we might have!. Fact: Fun fact: Morgenthau served as the District Attorney for over 30 years, which means he probably has more stories than your grandpa—and they’re likely just as wild!.