NOVEMBER 10, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Impact on Global Trade Dynamics. Impact: In a twist of fate, Trump's rise led to the normalization of 'alternative facts', which eventually inspired a generation of reality TV stars to run for office, culminating in a future where every debate is held in front of a live studio audience.. Fact: Did you know that one of Trump's greatest achievements was giving a whole new meaning to the phrase 'making America great again'? It now refers to 24-hour news cycles and endless Twitter debates..
• Headline: Trump's Proposed Cuts to Business Regulations. Impact: The deep cuts in business regulations sparked a frenzy of corporate creativity, leading to the invention of a new energy drink called 'Regulation Remover' that became the go-to drink for entrepreneurs who loved to gamble with the environment.. Fact: Fun fact: The only regulation Trump didn't cut was the one on hair products. Clearly, some things are just too sacred..
• Headline: Media Predictions of Clinton's Victory Analyzed. Impact: As news outlets scrambled to explain their blunders, they inadvertently birthed a new genre of journalism: 'Post-Event Speculation', which led to a thriving market for 'might-have-beens' and 'what-ifs'.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'we were all wrong' became the unofficial motto of 2016? It was later replaced by 'let's never speak of this again'..
• Headline: World Is About to Find Out What Donald Trump Really Believes. Impact: Trump's ambiguous beliefs led to a rise in conspiracy theories, including one where he was secretly an alien trying to understand human emotions by watching reality shows.. Fact: Did you know that during his presidency, Trump's belief system was so flexible it could have qualified for Olympic gymnastics? No gold medals were awarded, but it sure was entertaining..
• Headline: Donald Trump’s Victory Was Built on Unique Coalition of White Voters. Impact: The unique coalition of white voters who supported Trump created a seismic shift in political alliances, resulting in a future where political parties began to resemble high school cliques more than anything else.. Fact: Interestingly, the coalition was so unique that historians now refer to it as 'the Great White Hope' phenomenon, which sounds less like a political alliance and more like a poorly conceived movie plot..