OCTOBER 11, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Controversial Recordings Exposed. Impact: If Trump had been hired by a regular company, HR departments across America would have implemented mandatory 'no vulgarity' training. This would lead to the birth of 'Corporate Speak', a language so bland it would eventually make everyone forget how to express real emotions.. Fact: In a parallel universe, Trump actually got a job as a motivational speaker and the world is a much happier place. Or maybe not..
• Headline: Twitter and Salesforce Negotiate Strategic Partnership. Impact: The negotiations between Twitter and Salesforce caused a ripple effect that led to the creation of a new social media platform: 'TwitForce'. Users could only post updates about their sales figures and how they could optimize their tweet engagement strategy. Riveting!. Fact: In 2020, Twitter was briefly rebranded as 'TwitToo', but the name change didn’t stick due to a lack of enthusiasm from both users and the marketing team..
• Headline: Trump's Comments Spark Women's Voices. Impact: Kelly Oxford's viral tweet opened floodgates of conversation about women's experiences, leading to the establishment of a new global holiday called 'Women Speak Week', where men are required to listen. Naturally, it never took off.. Fact: The first attempt at 'Women Speak Week' was interrupted by men who insisted it was a holiday for them to explain their own experiences instead..
• Headline: Review: ‘Oh, Hello on Broadway’ Stars an Even Odder Couple. Impact: The success of 'Oh, Hello' led to an entire genre of Broadway shows featuring aging comedians, which eventually turned into a reality show where senior citizens compete to be the funniest. Spoiler: they all win, because everyone's too scared to tell them otherwise.. Fact: In an alternate timeline, 'Oh, Hello' was turned into a musical about cats, which somehow made even less sense..