SEPTEMBER 12, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wawrinka Triumphs Over Djokovic at US Open. Impact: If Wawrinka hadn't beaten Djokovic, we might now be living in a world where Djokovic is still hoarding Grand Slam titles like a dragon hoards gold. Instead, the upset created a ripple that inspired countless underdogs to pick up a racket, leading to a spike in tennis participation, a global shortage of tennis balls, and eventually, a bizarre reality show called 'Tennis Royal Rumble.'. Fact: Did you know that Wawrinka's win was so shocking, it made pigeons in Flushing Meadows sit up and take notice? Even they thought 'Maybe I should try tennis too.'.
• Headline: Marriage Decline in China: Shifting Trends. Impact: The decline in marriages in China has led to a generation of singles who are now prioritizing careers over family. This has inadvertently resulted in a boom of online dating apps, leading to the rise of 'swipe culture' that has, in turn, caused many a cat to become a social media influencer. Cats everywhere rejoice!. Fact: Did you know that in ancient China, marriages were arranged like corporate mergers? Now, it seems singlehood is a new kind of corporate takeover!.
• Headline: Education Disparities in Connecticut Schools. Impact: The disparity in education between these two Connecticut towns might just lead to a future where Fairfield’s students invent a new form of currency based on knowledge, while Bridgeport's students create a meme that goes viral, leading to a new 'digital currency' that has absolutely no value but makes everyone feel good. Welcome to the future!. Fact: Did you know that schools in Connecticut spend more per student than the GDP of some small countries? Yet, somehow, we still can't figure out how to teach kids to do their own laundry..
• Headline: A Glorified Sidewalk, and the Path to Transform Atlanta. Impact: The Atlanta BeltLine project’s ambition to connect urban areas could lead to a future where no one remembers what traffic jams feel like, but everyone does remember that one time they got lost on a bike path and ended up in a completely different state. Cue the adventure!. Fact: Did you know that the BeltLine is so glorified that even the squirrels in Atlanta are organizing tours? 'Come for the path, stay for the nutty scenery!'.
• Headline: In a Shift, U.S. Includes Families in Hostage Rescue Efforts. Impact: The new policy to include families in hostage rescue efforts could reshape the way governments negotiate in the future. Imagine a world where families are present at every negotiation table, leading to an increase in emotional appeals and the introduction of 'family therapy' as a legitimate bargaining chip. 'I’ll give you my son back if you promise to stop using the word 'irregardless.'. Fact: Did you know that before this policy change, families were as involved in hostage negotiations as they are in planning a family reunion? Spoiler alert: both usually end in tears..