SEPTEMBER 9, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Collaboration Exposes Medical Device Vulnerability. Impact: After the hedge fund and cybersecurity firm teamed up, an underground network of rogue investors emerged, leading to an unregulated black market for pacemaker vulnerabilities. Fast forward ten years, and we have a thriving 'Pacemaker Pirates' community where people trade codes for heart devices like Pokémon cards.. Fact: The term 'short-sell' might sound like a new weight-loss program, but in finance, it just means betting against a stock. Because who needs ethical investment when you can profit off someone’s potential heart failure, right?.
• Headline: North Korea's Nuclear Test Escalates Tensions. Impact: North Korea's nuclear test set off a chain reaction that caused every neighboring country to take up underwater basket weaving as a peaceful protest against nuclear proliferation. Who knew crafting could be so revolutionary?. Fact: Did you know that every time North Korea tests a nuclear bomb, a cat in South Korea gets a new Instagram account? They just love the attention!.
• Headline: Judge Rejects Connecticut's School Financing System. Impact: This judge's decision sparked a nationwide education revolution where every state began throwing money at schools like confetti. The result? A generation of students who can recite the periodic table while simultaneously explaining the stock market—because who said knowledge can't be both fun and financially savvy?. Fact: An F-minus is a grade that really communicates 'We tried, but we just... didn't.' It’s like getting a participation trophy for being consistently terrible..
• Headline: Review: In ‘Spamilton,’ Broadway’s Savior Meets His Match. It’s Not Burr.. Impact: ‘Spamilton’ not only mocked ‘Hamilton’ but also ignited a musical arms race, leading to an explosion of parody shows that transformed Broadway into a competition of who can be the wittiest. Next up? A musical about the trials of being a cast member in a parody show!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Spamilton' was actually the product of a secret Broadway cabal that meets every Tuesday to drink overpriced cocktails and brainstorm ways to make fun of successful shows..
• Headline: Where to Live? Ask an App. Impact: The rise of apps to find neighborhoods resulted in a bizarre new trend where people started asking their smartphones for dating advice based on location data. Now, every first date comes with a side of algorithmic recommendations—romance meets data science!. Fact: Did you know that asking an app where to live is basically like asking your cat for life advice? Both will likely leave you confused and in a worse situation..