SEPTEMBER 3, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Murphy Shines: From Met to National Star. Impact: Daniel Murphy's success with the Nationals sparked a nationwide trend of fans wearing 'Murph is my MVP' shirts, leading to a spike in the fashion industry and ultimately, to the rise of overly enthusiastic sports apparel as a mainstream look – because who wouldn't want to sport a jersey while grocery shopping?. Fact: Daniel Murphy's homers were so prolific that they led to a temporary shortage of baseballs in the D.C. area. Local children were seen using oranges as makeshift balls, because 'baseball' is just a state of mind..
• Headline: Academia Meets Silicon Valley's Tech Giants. Impact: The mass migration of economists to Silicon Valley marked the beginning of a new era where the phrase 'data-driven decisions' became the new 'let's wing it' for tech startups. This led to a rise in dubious economic theories being pitched as apps.. Fact: In a fun twist, one economist mistakenly believed 'big data' referred to oversized contracts for tech employees, leading to the world's first academic paper on financial gluttony..
• Headline: Venture Communism: How China Is Building a Start-Up Boom. Impact: China’s start-up boom led to a global 'Venture Communism' movement, where entrepreneurs everywhere began demanding free rent and cash handouts, leading to a rise in protest signs that read 'I just want to be a millionaire too!'. Fact: The phrase 'Venture Communism' was actually coined during a heated debate over whether free karaoke nights should be funded by the state. Spoiler: they weren't..
• Headline: Cher’s Latest Road Show? The Campaign Trail. Impact: Cher's involvement in politics opened the floodgates for celebrities to run campaigns, leading to a future where your next mayor might just be someone who once played a superhero in a blockbuster film. Thank you, Hollywood!. Fact: Cher's Twitter followers were so inspired they began a grassroots movement to have her declared the ‘Queen of the Campaign Trail’ – a title that may or may not come with a crown and a lifetime supply of sequins..