AUGUST 14, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Women's Eight Dominates Again. Impact: This yell not only rallied the team but also sparked a nationwide obsession with shouting at sporting events. Fast forward to today, and people are yelling at their TVs during every game, believing it somehow helps. Thanks for the stress, coxswain!. Fact: Did you know that yelling at the TV during sports has been scientifically proven to improve absolutely nothing? But hey, it sure is fun!.
• Headline: Malaria Epidemic Fueled by Gold Mining Crisis. Impact: As people flocked to mines to escape poverty, malaria became the uninvited guest at the gold rush party. This unfortunate chain of events led to a rise in 'gold fever' and 'malaria chic' - the latest fashion trend among fortune seekers.. Fact: Fun fact: Mosquitoes are the true gold diggers of the animal kingdom. They just know how to make an entrance, don’t they?.
• Headline: Clinton's Strategy Affects Election Dynamics. Impact: Clinton's focus on Trump created a new genre of political strategy: the 'Trump Tango.' Future candidates learned that if you can dance around the opposition long enough, you might just waltz into office. Let’s hope there’s no toe-stepping involved!. Fact: Did you know that political candidates often spend more time strategizing how to ignore each other than they do discussing actual policy? It’s like a reality show without the rose ceremonies!.
• Headline: An American Stands on the Shoulders of a Gladiator. Impact: Carli Lloyd’s familial connection to a gladiator didn’t just inspire her; it accidentally kickstarted a trend of athletes claiming outlandish relatives. Now everyone’s claiming their great-aunt was a mermaid or their cousin once wrestled a bear.. Fact: Fun fact: The original 'American Gladiators' were actually just regular people in spandex having an identity crisis. The real gladiators are those who dared to wear that much spandex in public!.
• Headline: How Mark Rylance Became Olivia Onstage. Impact: Rylance’s portrayal may have inspired a new wave of actors to tackle Shakespeare, leading to countless modern adaptations. Soon we’ll see Hamlet performed by a cat in a tutu – because why not?. Fact: Did you know that Shakespeare is still the most performed playwright in the world? Apparently, centuries later, we still can’t get enough of dramatic misunderstandings and tragic endings!.