AUGUST 8, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reviving Historical Techniques for Broadband Access. Impact: By reviving early 1900s electrification techniques, we inadvertently set off a chain reaction that leads to a future where rural America is not only connected to the internet but also becomes the epicenter of conspiracy theories about aliens and Bigfoot, all thanks to a stable Wi-Fi connection.. Fact: The early 1900s also saw the invention of the toaster. So, if we can toast bread while browsing memes about aliens, we've truly come full circle!.
• Headline: Corporate Shift Towards Apple Products. Impact: After being mocked by Jobs, companies flocking to Apple products creates a paradox where they become dependent on the very tech they once dismissed. In 50 years, this will lead to a dystopian future where humans communicate solely through emojis and Siri is declared a deity.. Fact: Steve Jobs once said, 'Good artists copy; great artists steal.' So, basically, if you’re using Apple, you’re a thief in a turtleneck..
• Headline: Women Finding Their Voices Against Harassment. Impact: The ripple effect of women feeling empowered to speak up leads to a glorious time warp where workplaces transform into supportive environments. However, the ghosts of past harassment still haunt the boardrooms, occasionally causing chairs to move on their own.. Fact: Statistically, public accusations lead to better workplace policies. So, if you ever feel like your office is haunted, it might just be the spirit of better HR practices!.
• Headline: Trump Is Testing the Norms of Objectivity in Journalism. Impact: Trump's challenge to journalism norms creates a legacy where future politicians can invent their own facts. By 2040, historians will have to sift through more alternate realities than a sci-fi writer at a convention.. Fact: In the future, 'fake news' will be a term used to describe anything that contradicts the latest meme. So, keep your fact-checking skills sharp!.
• Headline: At 82, Emperor Akihito of Japan Wants to Retire. Will Japan Let Him?. Impact: Emperor Akihito's desire to retire sets off a series of events leading to Japan's royal family becoming a beloved reality TV show, where viewers tune in weekly to see who gets to wear the crown next.. Fact: Japan has had a continuous imperial family for over 1,400 years. So, if they ever decide to go for a retirement home reality show, it's bound to be a hit!.