AUGUST 6, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump Seeks G.O.P. Unity Through Endorsements. Impact: In a shocking twist of fate, Trump's endorsement inadvertently led to a nationwide trend of politicians pretending to like each other. This prompted a reality TV show called 'Politicians in Love,' where candidates have to hug it out before debates.. Fact: Did you know that political endorsements are the adult version of giving a high-five? Except, in this case, the high-five comes with a side of backstabbing..
• Headline: Gilded Olympics Opening Ceremony in Rio. Impact: The Rio Olympics sparked a global obsession with hosting lavish events despite underlying chaos. This inspired future governments to throw extravagant parties while ignoring their country’s problems, leading to the invention of the phrase 'Celebrate now, fix later!'. Fact: Fun fact: The opening ceremony was so glamorous that even the Olympic rings were rumored to be made of gold. Spoiler alert: they were not..
• Headline: Surreal Changes in Puerto Rico's Landscape. Impact: The bizarre juxtaposition of luxury and poverty inspired a new trend in urban planning called 'Gritty Chic,' where slums became the new hipster havens, complete with artisanal horse grazing.. Fact: Did you know that in Puerto Rico, negative rent means you could technically get paid to live in your own home? If only it worked that way in the rest of the world!.
• Headline: Why Self-Help Guru James Altucher Only Owns 15 Things. Impact: Altucher’s minimalist lifestyle encouraged millions to declutter their homes, leading to a severe shortage of yard sale items and the rise of a new reality show, 'Hoarders: The Aftermath.'. Fact: Did you know that owning only 15 things means you have to be really selective? That’s basically like saying you can only have 15 flavors of ice cream – which, let’s be honest, is torture..