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HEADLINES ON July 26, 2016
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- Headline: ISIS Reverts to Guerrilla Warfare Tactics. Impact: As ISIS reverts to guerrilla tactics, a butterfly flaps its wings, leading to unexpected coffee shops in the U.S. selling 'Freedom Lattes' while debating drone warfare ethics. All thanks to a misunderstood tweet.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'grinding insurgency' could also apply to the coffee industry? Just saying, it's all about perspective..
- Headline: Bipartisan Calls to Reinstate Glass-Steagall. Impact: The call to break up the banks sends shockwaves through Wall Street, resulting in a sudden spike in hedge-fund managers taking yoga classes to find their zen amidst chaos. Namaste, capitalism!. Fact: It's funny how both parties can agree on breaking up banks, but can't find common ground on pineapple on pizza. Priorities, people!.
- Headline: Trump and Russian Support Allegations. Impact: The email hack leads to a chain reaction where conspiracy theorists everywhere dust off their tin foil hats, igniting a global shortage of aluminum foil. Who knew politics could be so... productive?. Fact: Did you know that 'Putin' is just 'Trump' spelled backwards if you add a few letters? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a plot twist?.
- Headline: Michelle Obama Joins Forces With Her Predecessor (and Former Adversary). Impact: Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton's evolving relationship sparks a series of 'girl power' campaigns, inspiring future leaders everywhere to form alliances, even if it means grudgingly sharing the last slice of pizza.. Fact: Did you know that Michelle Obama once made a mean broccoli? I guess they really can put aside differences for a good veggie dish!.
- Headline: Bernie Sanders Faces Task of Putting Down Revolt He Started. Impact: Bernie Sanders' failed attempt to unify his supporters creates a timeline where every protest eventually leads to a reality TV show called 'Real Activists of the DNC.' It's a hit, of course.. Fact: Did you know that heckling is now considered an Olympic sport in some parallel universes? Keep training, folks!.
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NVIDIA - If you invested $1,000 in 2016, it would be worth $220,545 today (220.5x return)