JUNE 22, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Preventing Terrorism: The Challenge of Thoughts. Impact: This event kicks off a chain reaction that leads to the introduction of thought policing in 2045, where citizens are monitored for suspicious daydreams. Spoiler alert: nobody can remember their dreams anymore.. Fact: Did you know that in 2020, the most common thought was 'What should I have for lunch?'? Terrorists everywhere were foiled by a craving for tacos..
• Headline: Tesla's Acquisition of SolarCity Explained. Impact: This merger creates a new corporate monster called Teslacity, which eventually leads to the first solar-powered space colony. Spoiler: it’s just a bunch of hipsters playing acoustic guitar while floating in zero gravity.. Fact: Elon Musk once tried to merge with a toaster, claiming it was the future of breakfast. The toaster declined..
• Headline: Orlando Massacre's Impact on LGBTQ+ Coming Out. Impact: This tragedy catalyzes a worldwide movement for LGBTQ+ rights that ultimately leads to the first intergalactic pride event in 2075, where aliens and humans unite to celebrate love. Everyone gets a rainbow space suit!. Fact: Interestingly, the first recorded 'coming out' was in 1845, when someone bravely declared they preferred cats over dogs. The world has come a long way since then..
• Headline: Anton Yelchin’s Death Highlights a Known Issue With Jeeps. Impact: The fallout from this incident leads to the development of a new safety technology that prevents all gearshift-related accidents. Unfortunately, it also results in people forgetting how to drive entirely.. Fact: Did you know that Jeep owners have a higher chance of being asked if they 'off-road' than anyone else? Spoiler: most just drive to Starbucks..
• Headline: A Young Athlete’s World of Pain, and Where It Led. Impact: Kosta Karageorge's tragic fate spurs a global awareness campaign on mental health in sports, leading to a future where athletes can openly discuss their emotions, and the phrase 'man up' becomes painfully outdated.. Fact: Concussions were once treated with a little bit of rest and a strong dose of 'walk it off'. Thankfully, we’ve moved on to slightly better methods, like actually paying attention..