JUNE 7, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Concerns Over Coal Cleanup Bankruptcy Fallout. Impact: The $1 billion cleanup bill leads to a new trend in 'Environmental Bankruptcy', where companies can go bankrupt and leave a trail of pollution like breadcrumbs. Fast forward a few decades, and we have a thriving eco-tourism industry that offers 'pollution tours' to showcase the legacy of corporate negligence.. Fact: In a twist of irony, coal companies might leave the land they poisoned, but at least they'll leave behind some scenic views of their financial mismanagement..
• Headline: Judge Determines Dell's Fair Sale Price. Impact: The judge's ruling in Dell's case opens the floodgates for 'Judicial Appraisals', causing a surge in lawyers claiming to have psychic powers about company valuations. Future CEOs are now required to consult with oracles before selling their businesses.. Fact: Who knew that selling a company could turn into a courtroom drama? Next, they'll have judges weighing in on the best pizza toppings..
• Headline: Clinton Secures Democratic Nomination. Impact: Hillary Clinton’s nomination paves the way for an endless series of 'Clinton vs. Trump' memes that will dominate the internet for years. Little do they know, this sparks an entire generation of meme creators who think politics is just one big joke.. Fact: Fun fact: More memes were created during the 2016 election than there were votes cast. Democracy at its finest!.
• Headline: Review: ‘War,’ a Deathbed Drama About Identity by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins. Impact: The play 'War' becomes an unexpected hit and inspires a new genre of 'deathbed dramas', leading to a cultural movement where families hold their disputes in hospital rooms rather than living rooms. Future generations will be confused about where to settle family feuds.. Fact: Deathbed dramas are the new reality TV, minus the cameras and dramatic music. Who knew families could be so entertainingly dysfunctional while waiting for a doctor?.
• Headline: Whit Stillman and His Duffel-Bag-Size Life in Paris. Impact: Whit Stillman’s not-so-glamorous life in Paris becomes a cautionary tale for aspiring artists, leading to a surge in 'how to thrive in mediocrity' workshops. The trend of 'minimalist living' takes off, ironically fueled by those who want more than a duffel bag's worth of possessions.. Fact: Being called the 'WASP Woody Allen' is like being the 'unfunny version' of a great director. But hey, at least he’s got Paris to soften the blow!.