MAY 12, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Valeant's Unfulfilled Drug Price Promises. Impact: If hospitals had actually received those price breaks, they might have saved enough money to invest in better coffee for their waiting rooms. Imagine a world where patients are distracted by artisanal lattes instead of the ticking clock of despair.. Fact: Valeant's promises were about as reliable as a politician's campaign promises. Spoiler: neither usually deliver..
• Headline: Pentagon Embraces Silicon Valley Innovation. Impact: This cozy relationship led to the creation of AI that not only analyzes military strategies but also suggests the best avocado toast recipes for officers during strategy briefings. Who knew war could be so hip?. Fact: In a world where the Pentagon is courting Silicon Valley, I can't help but wonder if they asked for a discount on their drones during the 'buy one, get one free' sales..
• Headline: Ryan Caught Between Desire for Republican Unity and Future Agenda. Impact: This internal struggle created a rift so deep that it spawned an alternate timeline where Paul Ryan became a motivational speaker, helping politicians find their 'inner peace' rather than their inner party loyalty.. Fact: They say politics makes strange bedfellows, but in this case, it's more like a bad game of musical chairs where everyone ends up with a splinter..
• Headline: Before and After: Bringing Urban Style to Suburbia. Impact: The couple's renovation sparked a trend that led to suburban homes becoming Instagram-worthy, resulting in an explosion of DIY influencers and a sudden shortage of shiplap. The real estate market was never the same.. Fact: In the quest to make suburbia trendy, we forgot one crucial fact: no amount of urban style can mask the sound of a lawnmower at 7 AM on a Saturday..