MAY 5, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Venture Capital Turmoil at Xfund. Impact: After this little spat within Xfund, every investor across the globe decided to hold their money tighter than a hipster holds onto their avocado toast. Venture capitalism took a sharp turn, and the next unicorn was mysteriously born out of a garage with no funding, just a 'good idea'.. Fact: Did you know that infighting is basically the official sport of venture capital? It's like the Hunger Games, but with more suits and far fewer arrows..
• Headline: U.S. Troops Face New Challenges in Iraq. Impact: This combat death not only sparked discussions about troop presence but also triggered a series of memes about 'Iraq: The Never-Ending Story'. Fast forward, and any mention of Iraq became synonymous with 'Are we really doing this again?'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'routine, daily battle' is just a euphemism for 'We really don’t know what we’re doing here'?.
• Headline: CFPB Proposes Rule on Arbitration Rights. Impact: This proposed rule brought a glimmer of hope to consumers, causing banks to scramble like they were just told the WiFi was down. The ripple effect? A sudden spike in the use of fine print and lawyers sharpening their quills.. Fact: Did you know that before this rule, banks were basically the 'sneaky cousins' of the financial world? Always ready to pull a fast one when you weren't looking..
• Headline: The Republican Horse Race Is Over, and Journalism Lost. Impact: This headline was the moment journalism collectively faceplanted. The ripple effect led to a realization that the news could double as both a circus and a soap opera. It also birthed the phrase, 'I can't believe they thought he was a joke.'. Fact: Did you know the phrase 'political journalism' is often mistaken for 'entertainment news'? Because seriously, who knew politics could be so... entertaining?.
• Headline: One Week in April, Four Toddlers Shot and Killed Themselves. Impact: The tragic reality of toddlers and firearms led to increased public outcry and a few new laws. Ironically, the ripple effect also resulted in an uptick in parents investing in childproof safes instead of toys. Who knew safety was the new cool?. Fact: Did you know that toddlers pulling triggers is basically the universe's way of saying, 'Maybe we should rethink gun ownership'? Sometimes, the universe has a dark sense of humor..