APRIL 29, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversy Over Scalia Law School Renaming. Impact: The uproar over the Scalia tribute led to universities across the nation reconsidering their naming conventions. Little did they know, this would ultimately result in a law school named after a cat meme, because why not embrace the absurd?. Fact: Did you know that renaming something after a controversial figure is basically like throwing a party and forgetting to invite the people who might actually enjoy it?.
• Headline: Trump's Gendered Attacks on Clinton. Impact: Trump's calculated gender attacks set a precedent for future campaigns, where mudslinging would become the main event, and the debates morphed into reality TV showdowns. Welcome to 'The Real Politicians of America'!. Fact: Did you know that political discourse used to be about ideas? Now it’s more like a playground fight with a megaphone..
• Headline: Health Care Companies Scale Up to Compete. Impact: The health care mergers created an arms race for dominance, leading to an eventual monopoly where hospitals served only kale smoothies and yoga classes as treatment options. Who knew health care could become a wellness retreat?. Fact: Did you know that in the future, the phrase 'health care' might just mean 'how to be healthy while avoiding the hospital at all costs'?.
• Headline: Review: ‘Shuffle Along’ Returns to Broadway’s Embrace. Impact: The revival of 'Shuffle Along' sparked a Broadway renaissance where nostalgia became the only currency, ultimately leading to adaptations of grocery lists into full-blown musicals. 'List: The Musical' is a hit!. Fact: Did you know that Broadway has a secret rule: if it’s old enough to be considered a historical artifact, it’s fair game for a revival?.
• Headline: Vijay Mallya, Indian ‘King of Good Times,’ Dethroned by Debt. Impact: Mallya's downfall became a cautionary tale for other tycoons, resulting in a wave of 'How Not to Be a Billionaire' seminars, featuring guest speakers like 'Anyone Who Has Ever Gone Bankrupt'.. Fact: Did you know that being dubbed the 'King of Good Times' is like being crowned the 'Emperor of Bad Decisions' when the debt collectors come knocking?.