APRIL 28, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Target's Stance on Bathroom Choice. Impact: When Target decided to let people choose their restrooms, it sent shockwaves through the fabric of American society. Suddenly, every bathroom became a battleground, where the future of civilization hinged on whether you could pee in peace or not. Who knew the fate of democracy could pivot on restroom choices? The butterfly that flapped its wings in Minnesota led to a national conversation, spawning a thousand think pieces and a new wave of bathroom accessibility apps.. Fact: Did you know that prior to this debate, the most heated bathroom discussion was about whether to put the seat down? Such simpler times!.
• Headline: Cruz Chooses Fiorina Amid Sanders' Strategy Shift. Impact: Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina's partnership was like mixing oil and water—except somehow it created a new kind of political sludge. This union not only confused voters but also made future history books wonder if there was ever a time when Americans believed these two could save the day. Every time they campaigned, a new conspiracy theory about the nature of their alliance was born.. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders are best friends who run a successful bakery together? They specialize in cupcakes that promise to solve all political problems..
• Headline: VW Chief ‘Personally’ Apologized to Obama Over Cheating. Impact: VW's apology to Obama for their cheating scandal was the moment when every car manufacturer suddenly realized that honesty might be the best policy—at least until they could figure out how to cheat better. This event caused a ripple effect, leading to a series of 'honesty campaigns' that were about as sincere as a cat pretending to be innocent after knocking over a vase.. Fact: Did you know that if car manufacturers were as good at making ethical choices as they are at making cars, we’d all be driving around in self-driving unicorns by now?.