APRIL 27, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump and Clinton Battle in Key Primaries. Impact: As Trump secured his states, the butterfly effect triggered a series of hair-raising reality TV moments in U.S. politics. Fast forward a decade, and we find ourselves watching presidential debates that resemble a bizarre game show, complete with contestants who might actually be from a talent agency.. Fact: Did you know that if you stack all of Trump's tweets, they would reach the moon? Just kidding, but they do take up a lot of bandwidth!.
• Headline: Clinton Prepares for General Election Challenges. Impact: Clinton's shift to focus on the fall created a ripple effect that would eventually lead to countless memes about her 'falling' popularity, which then inspired a generation of meme-makers to pursue careers in digital sarcasm.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more resilient than Hillary's campaign strategy is a cockroach during a nuclear apocalypse..
• Headline: Tuck Everlasting Musical Review. Impact: The success of 'Tuck Everlasting' led to an influx of Broadway shows questioning eternity, resulting in a future where every musical is about life, death, and whether we should even have a third act. Spoiler: they do.. Fact: Did you know that immortality sounds great until you realize you have to keep paying your cable bill forever? Yikes!.
• Headline: Comcast Is Said to Be in Talks to Acquire DreamWorks Animation. Impact: If Comcast successfully merged with DreamWorks, it would set off a chain reaction where every animated character suddenly needed a corporate sponsor, leading to a dystopian future where Shrek sells insurance.. Fact: Did you know that Comcast's idea of 'merging' usually means you get fewer channels for more money? It's like a bad relationship in cable form..
• Headline: Dyson Wants to Create a Hair Dryer Revolution. Impact: Dyson's ambition to revolutionize hair drying led to a future where people paid more for a hair dryer than a used car, resulting in a new social status: 'I have a Dyson, so I must be important.'. Fact: Did you know that Dyson hair dryers are so fancy that they could probably dry your hair while simultaneously judging your life choices?.