APRIL 23, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Apple's Encryption Debate Gains Support. Impact: This event sparked a secret society of tech-savvy former spies who now meet in basements to discuss how best to encrypt their pizza orders. Little did they know, this would unintentionally inspire the first encrypted dating app, 'Ciphers & Lovers'.. Fact: Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in 'encryption', you get 'pythonic nerd'? Okay, you don’t. But it should be a thing!.
• Headline: Apple Escapes FBI Unlocking Controversy. Impact: The Justice Department's withdrawal led to a surge in the popularity of password management apps. Ironically, it also inspired a wave of 'secure' selfies that ended up being shared on the cloud. Good job, team!. Fact: Fun fact: The first iPhone was famously unlocked with a paperclip and a prayer. Don't ask about the prayer..
• Headline: Clinton's Cautious Quest for a Running Mate. Impact: This cautious approach to selecting a running mate inadvertently set off a nationwide trend of political speed dating events, where potential candidates learned the hard way that 'likes long walks in the park' did not translate to electoral success.. Fact: Did you know that political alliances are like Tinder matches? Swipe right for compatibility, left for scandal!.
• Headline: Queen Elizabeth’s Party Planner Is Proud to Wear $35 Shoes. Impact: This bold fashion statement led to a royal revolution in British fashion, where suddenly everyone wanted to know if they could wear 'affordable' shoes to tea with the Queen. Spoiler alert: They couldn’t.. Fact: Did you know that Lady Elizabeth Anson also holds the unofficial title of 'Most Likely to Drop a Fork at a Royal Banquet'? It's a tough gig..
• Headline: In an Age of Privilege, Not Everyone Is in the Same Boat. Impact: The rise of a money-based caste system led to the creation of 'Privilege Olympics', where only the affluent could compete in events like Yacht Racing and Caviar Tasting. The gold medal? An exclusive membership to the 'We’re Better Than You' club.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of privilege, the only thing more exclusive than a private jet is the bathroom on that jet? Trust me, they don’t let just anyone in there..