APRIL 21, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bernie Sanders' Challenging Path in 2016. Impact: Had Bernie Sanders won the Democratic race, an alternate timeline would have seen America's hipsters united under a 'Burrito for All' policy, leading to an unprecedented avocado shortage.. Fact: Did you know that Sanders once said he wanted to be a historian? And here we are, debating the implications of his presidential run like it's some sort of ancient relic!.
• Headline: NBA Players' Halftime Phone Habit. Impact: The moment NBA players started checking their phones at halftime, the entire concept of 'halftime show' was forever altered. Now, we just see players scrolling through Instagram instead of practicing their three-pointers.. Fact: Did you know that checking your phone at halftime counts as cardio? Who needs a gym membership when you can just run your thumbs?.
• Headline: Cindy Sherman Explores Aging Through Art. Impact: Cindy Sherman embracing aging could have led to a cultural revolution where everyone starts taking selfies while lamenting their youthful indiscretions, ultimately resulting in a massive spike in anti-aging cream sales.. Fact: Did you know that most people age at the same rate, but only some of us choose to document it? Cheers to living life like a fine wine—preferably in a fancy bottle!.
• Headline: A Marriage Gone Bad: Walgreens Struggles to Shake Off Theranos. Impact: Walgreens' partnership with Theranos could have paved the way for a new era in healthcare, where you could get a flu shot and a questionable blood test in the same visit, resulting in a nationwide health crisis that could only be solved by a Netflix documentary.. Fact: Did you know that 'Theranos' is just 'Thera' plus 'nos'? As in 'there are no results'—a fitting name for a company that thrived on hope and hype!.
• Headline: Volkswagen Reaches Deal in U.S. Over Emissions Scandal. Impact: Volkswagen’s emissions scandal not only reshaped car regulations but also inspired countless memes about 'clean diesel,' which eventually led to a trend of environmentally-friendly car owners organizing secret meetings in treehouses.. Fact: Did you know that Volkswagen literally means 'people's car'? Ironically, the people were not very happy about being lied to about the emissions!.