APRIL 11, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Paul Ryan's Dual Campaign Strategy. Impact: If Paul Ryan had actually aimed for the presidency, he might have inadvertently set off a chain reaction leading to an alternate timeline where politicians are required to take actual stances rather than just campaigning for the sake of it. Imagine that world! We're still dreaming, though. Fact: Did you know that 'Confident America' was almost the name of an overly optimistic theme park where every ride ended with a PowerPoint presentation on tax reform?.
• Headline: ‘Hamilton’ and History: Are They in Sync?. Impact: The debate over 'Hamilton' over-glorifying Alexander Hamilton led to a future where historians are now required to produce musicals about every historical figure, resulting in a Broadway revolution that means we could have had 'Nixon: The Musical' — now that's a hit nobody would want to see. Fact: Did you know that Alexander Hamilton's ghost is still working hard to get his face on the ten-dollar bill, negotiating royalties for every performance of 'Hamilton'?.
• Headline: Intuit Sheds Its PC Roots and Rises as a Cloud Software Company. Impact: Intuit's transformation may have inspired a bizarre trend where everyone else decided to abandon their roots as well, leading to an era where even traditional bakeries start offering cloud-baked cookies—because who needs physical goods, right?. Fact: Fun fact: 'cloud computing' was initially just a fancy way of saying, 'We lost all your data, but we promise it's in the cloud somewhere!'.