MARCH 26, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Belgium's Nuclear Plant Security Concerns. Impact: If Belgium's nuclear plants had been attacked, the subsequent panic could have led to a worldwide fad of DIY nuclear shelters. I can just see hipsters in Brooklyn trying to outdo each other with their artisanal fallout bunkers made of reclaimed wood.. Fact: Did you know that Belgium is famous for its chocolates and waffles? Maybe they should stick to those instead of nuclear energy!.
• Headline: Irish Advance Past Wisconsin in Close Match. Impact: Notre Dame's win could have inspired a new trend where all colleges start using animal mascots to intimidate opponents. Soon, we'd have schools fielding teams of ferrets, raccoons, and maybe even a few llamas.. Fact: Did you know that 'I-95 Edge' sounds like a new energy drink? It’s probably not as effective as the adrenaline rush from a last-minute game win..
• Headline: The Tinder Dating Pool Isn’t Completely Shallow. Impact: The perception of Tinder as a shallow dating pool might have led to a renaissance in speed dating events where people awkwardly stare at each other for three minutes before deciding on a life partner. Romance at its finest!. Fact: Did you know that the average Tinder user swipes left more than they swipe right? It's like they’re auditioning for the role of 'Most Picky Human Ever.'.
• Headline: Fighting a Cage Match to Turn UFC Into a National Phenomenon. Impact: The push to mainstream UFC could have unintentionally led to a resurgence of gladiator-style battles in schools. Imagine kids resolving their disputes with a cage match instead of a debate club. Fun times!. Fact: Did you know that UFC originally stood for 'Ultimate Fighting Championship'? Now it could just mean 'Unleashing Frightening Chaos' on a national scale..