MARCH 18, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Clinton's Candidacy Faces White Male Resistance. Impact: Hillary's campaign inadvertently catalyzed the rise of niche political movements catering to disenfranchised white men, leading to the creation of 'Men's Rights Karaoke' nights where the only songs allowed are about lost opportunities and nostalgia for the 'good old days.'. Fact: Fun fact: When it comes to political backing, white men are basically like cats in a room full of laser pointers—easily distracted and not really sure what they want..
• Headline: Snyder Misled on Flint Water Crisis. Impact: The Flint water crisis became the poster child for government negligence, leading to a nationwide series of 'how not to handle a crisis' workshops, which ironically no one attended because, well, the government was too busy ignoring the problem.. Fact: Did you know that the lead contamination scandal's legacy has inspired a new trend in environmental activism? It's called 'Drinking Water Roulette,' and it’s exactly as fun as it sounds!.
• Headline: Where Merrick Garland Stands: A Close Look at His Judicial Record. Impact: Merrick Garland's cautious judicial approach sparked debates about the nature of judicial activism, leading to an unexpected boom in political podcasts where hosts dramatically reenact court cases as if they were Shakespearean tragedies, complete with tragic flaws and all.. Fact: Did you know that just like a Netflix series, Merrick Garland's judicial record has multiple seasons? Sadly, the ratings are only high among law students and people who enjoy watching paint dry..
• Headline: Review: Iggy Pop and his ‘Post Pop Depression Tour’. Impact: Iggy Pop's 'Post Pop Depression Tour' inspired a wave of artists to embrace their mortality, leading to a bizarre trend of 'last tours' where every musician claims it’s their farewell, only to pop up again for an encore a month later—much like a bad horror movie sequel.. Fact: Did you know that Iggy Pop once performed with a band called The Stooges? Because nothing screams 'musical genius' quite like a group named after a cartoon character's best friends..